Penis. Utter penis.
No, scrub that – complete utter penis. With some cock added for good measure. And a few snarls of ginger pissflaps too. Some arse, maybe? How about some flabby old man buttock? Liver spot option. With wirey pubic hair too, for the white sticky stuff on the cake.
OK, all that may sound like a dodgy “specialist” porn movie, but watching something like that has to be better than what DOA 1 FGR 1 was. Flabby old man arse cheek or not. It was dire, grey, pointless, full of people who don’t want to be there and for whom kicking a football would be considered a step too far.
The players weren’t much better either.
It started off all right, we had about five corners in the space of about 2 minutes. You thought it was going to be the 4-0 arse whipping we believe we deserved. Then FGR went up the other end, scored, and all of a sudden our jaws dropped. Worryingly enough, instead of us waking up and getting our backsides into some sort of gear, we became worse and worse. The curse of a decent performance again…
When Christian Jolley slotted home, it saved our embarrassment. What was worst of all was this was one point gained as opposed to two lost. Yes, it was that bad. There was little urgency, little idea of what to do. This was worse than Kiddie (where we did at least have some kind of excuse, having won the World Cup Final the Thursday before). Actually, I think it was somehow even worse than Rushden.
Sure we’ll find out sooner or later why, whether this is “just another blip” or something else. But you’ll have to excuse me tonight, it really is difficult to get up much more energy on this. Hell, the players didn’t…
Plus points: At least we got to go home afterwards.
Minus points: 3pm-4.50pm.
The referee’s a…: Another game, another little prick who loves the attention. Clearly a frustrated footballer, which explains why he liked to get involved. Literally, if the amount of times he got in the way early on were anything to go by.
Them: They wanted it, we didn’t. Simples. Nothing wrong with the FGR support, even if they did spend their time pointing at the airplanes and yelling “witchcraft”. Oh, and why are they sponsored by Coventry Building Society?
Point to ponder: Have we gone back into Ryman Premier syndrome? While we have “bigger” games more regularly these days, there’s always that psychological mental block when we play the so-called lesser teams. I honestly thought with the move to full time, better preparation etc, it would be a thing of the past. Obviously, as much as I’d like us to go to these sort of games without breaking a sweat it doesn’t happen in the real world.
Actually, that might be half the problem – be honest, who here turned up today all relaxed, expecting a 3-0 comfortable win and go home again to watch the Ryder Cup? The players certainly had that attitude, and the fans did too – KM is a murmur of disapproval rather than a cauldron of noise at the best of times, and it managed to get worse as the game went on. We went 1-0 down, realised very quicky it was going to be horse cock and we simply waited until it was over…
Which begs another question – are we spoilt? We’ve had it pretty much our own way since 2002, and even being in the Conference we’ve been a side that falls away rather than one punching above its weight. We are a pretty complacent bunch, bordering on self-satisfied. Others say we’re very sanctimonious, but I won’t suggest that 
With that attitude comes these sorts of games with these sorts of atmospheres. Why should we bother to get behind the team? We’re happy to have a club after all. And here may lie an attitude defect of AFCW, one that seems to be quite deep rooted. I wouldn’t have blamed anyone for booing the team off today, but some people clapped. Yes, clapped. It does suggest to the players that no matter how badly they play at Theme Park KM, they’re not going to get stick that sometimes they richly deserve.
It’s games like this where, if anything, we are too soft on our players. Where’s the ability to give them a much needed white hot poker up the jacksie? TB/SC/Bassey can’t do it all the time. We won against Cambridge because we were stung by how badly we played against Kiddie the Sunday before. Today, we didn’t treat going a goal down as somebody pissing over one’s mother…
You may accuse me of encouraging booing against our players (for the record, I didn’t boo. I am a hypocrite), and in a way I suppose I am. Yes, we may be second in the league still, but today was unacceptable on every level. I know it’s easy for people to say that the players know they played badly, but do they? An off day is one thing, but this is happening more regularly now. We don’t look like a team in second place, at least not this afternoon.
I suppose what I’m saying isn’t that we should now start mass abusing the players (although some did take delight in attacking the much maligned Sam Hatton), I’m suggesting that maybe on a few more occasions we could give the impression we give a toss…
Meet the manager: He wasn’t exactly happy. Gregory was sick at half time (no quips about the carvery, please) and suggested that we have too many youngsters in. Would have hoped that he didn’t read the SW19 Kiddie report before coming to that conclusion. Oh, and Brett Johnson is out for another 3/4 weeks…
Incidentally, there won’t be any more audio streams of TB’s post match press conferences, at least on this site. I’ll let you into a little secret – they were done to prove the point that uploading such content after a game is quite easy to do, and if I could have charged for it, I would have got some takers. After my recent comments about the OS, and if anyone can find any online stats for it (ie how many people read it), it’s worth bearing in mind for the club – especially if they decide to charge…
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Took ages to get out of the TE for some reason at the end. Unless it’s like that strange phenomenon you experience during a very dull game, where the 90 minutes feels like 90 years. (2) 31 FGR fans. Fair play to them, but not sure if I particularly like having away attendances announced like that. Those who went to those evening games at Sheffield Wednesday back in the day will know what I mean. (3) Speaking of the PA, does Phillo do it any more? Seems to be all Mikey T now. Not that I mind, especially when he plays the Big Match theme tune beforehand…
Anything else? Not really. Just read Erik’s piece in the programme, and it does confirm that KM is only going to be the new Underhill at best. I did like the use of the “buy the next programme to see how our new stadium plans are getting on”…
So, was it worth it? The editor’s lethargy in writing this feels like Paul McGee on speed compared to today.
In a nutshell: So, how many will Mansfield score against us…?
think your comparison was a bit harsh to ginger piss flaps to be fair i’ve seen some that are both effective and entertaining
Your’re telling us. We travel two hours and 100 miles from deepest Gloucestershire to get away from the incantations and enjoy a decent meal not containing body parts.
And what do we get :
1 no lamb at “The Carvery” – is this false advertising?
2 only @ 70 fellow diners – are we making any money on this?
3 one table reserved for tribal dignatories from our part of the world. We came here to get away from them!! They smiled, fingered the bones through their noses and licked their lips at Erik Samuelson as he wished them well for some football game or other
4 apologies from Terry Brown for not being in a position to deliver his pre-match briefing to the diners – had one or two of our players been hexed in the car park and tried to run away?
5 BrisDon reverting to type under the pressure and putting horseradish sauce on his turkey. His response to the “are we not men?” challenge was a hissed “I like it”, in that thick West Country burr that we’d been taught at the initiation ceremonies (the less painful ones)
6 then we’re all turfed outside to watch a bunch of oiks dressed in green run round a field in the pouring rain (thanks BBC, spot on again, double the licence fee please) whilst all the Londoners retreat silently to the furthest corners they can find and pretend they’re somewhere else and none of it is really happening
Well welcome to our world. It was all a bit of a busman’s holiday for us in truth.
Mind you, did get to shake hands with Roy Law. Hope he didn’t spot the bits of gammon gristle in my teeth.
Ironically, as I was about to reply to this, I got an email through from Cambridge United (on their mailing list for some reason). Anyway, here’s what they’re offering:
—
We are delighted to announce that we are offering an enhanced version of our Programme Sponsorship Package for a limited time only!
Any bookings made for this promotion before 1 December 2010 will include the following:
* Four hospitality tickets in the Dublin Suite
* Three course meal
* Half time refreshments
* Executive Box Seating
* Programme back cover recognition
* Sponsors Lounge recognition
* PA Announcements
* Complimentary programmes
* One car park pass
* Stadium Tour
* Framed commemorative programme
* Teamsheet recognition
The prices for the above promotion are as follows:
A Grade Match: £400 (plus VAT)
B Grade Match: £250 (plus VAT)
C Grade Match: £150 (plus VAT)
—
Hmm.
AFCW’s problem like so many things is that it’s a space issue. A specific restaurant facility would actually be quite useful, especially if it was open during the week, but as the programme said, we’re not going to do more than the bare necessity to KM now.
Is 70 a profitable number? £20 p/hd x 70 = £1400. So it should make some profit.
Believe that TB actually hates doing the pre-game briefing, and is something I imagine he would happily drop if he could.
Interesting, certainly doesn’t come cheap this sort of thing, does it.
I think the concept is actually good. If you’ve journeyed some distance to get to the game then it’s nice to have the option of sitting down for a nice bite to eat with fellow supporters. It all adds to the “occasion”, which is full day out with the travel for us.
The alternative is we wander down by the river and have the fixed price meal at Freres Jacques (£9.90 for two courses plus service charge – I recommend the fish soup – went down a treat before the Crawley game).
I’m sure they’ve done the costings and I’m no cook, but I’d imagine sticking half a dozen joints in the oven and putting together a few trays of vegetables is not going to cost the earth. I just wonder whether you could keep the costs of the ingredients and labour down equally well with something like a Thai, Indian or Chinese all-you-can-eat format.
I mean, does anyone really want Berni Inn fare these days (well actually BrisDon does, but then he’s very conservative in all his tastes).
There’s a great variety of eating establishments around the ground and in Kingston itself. And I think I caught on WDON that there’s a big local Korean community?
Wonder if we’d be better off with outsourcing the whole operation to one of the local ethnic operation and make our money via a decent fee / commission from them plus the drinks, and let them provide something a bit more exciting.
To have the option of sitting down I think is good and should be retained, but maybe this could be combined with a “take-away” extension outside alongside the burger van.
I think a reasonable joint of meat would cost the same as one meal, possibly two.
It’s obviously the most cost-effective way of catering for a larg(ish) amount of people in quite a short space of time – and with limited space to cook in anyway.
What I’ve seen at other clubs with newer grounds (and bigger facilities, like Gillingham) is that they have restaurant/catering kitchens in use all the week.
I wouldn’t go outsourcing especially for ethnic food as visiting directors (for whom we have to supply a sit-down meal for anyway) are often a bit more, ahem, parochial. Especially if they’re from up north.
Would be nice every once in a while to have a Southall-esque curry “food day” outside – there are more than enough Indian caterers about who are used to doing it on a large scale, and it keeps us hoi-polloi still involved.
You’re class REPD, pure class, get in out of the rain with us.
Just been pouring over the maps. Do you really think the Tooting and Mitcham option is a serious runner? Taking the reference in the match programme on Saturday, what other options might they be formally looking at?
A couple of years ago I picked up an Evening Standard and read an article that a deal had been done to move back to the Dog Track, to a “6,000 capacity” redeveloped stadium. Was that just somebody on a wind-up?
Perhaps instead of reporting on the football each week you should continue reporting on the performance of the catering. I thought that you were running a football site and not as it appears a conference good food guide.
Do you know of a cookery website that discusses football?
No, only this one Motspur.
Now I’m really confused. I’m dragged 130 miles up the M4 by D4D4 from darkest Bristol with promises of a culinary delight in one of London’s top food emporiums. I get there and all I hear is something about “the match” and “league tables”. Then it dawned on me. Of course. A new football themed restaurant. Brilliant idea. They’d even made up pretend match programmes. Everybody joined in and we were even promised a pre match talk by the team manager but unfortunately he didn’t appear. They made up something about dressing room problems. We joined in the fun by saying that perhaps the team had a troublesome player who had thrown a wobbly before the game, ha ha. All good entertainment. However, before I’d even had the chance of an after dinner port, I’m dragged out of my seat and out of the restaurant where incredibly, the Chef de Cuisine had actually laid on a real game! Now I have to say the food and restaurant were excellent. However, if this restaurant’s football theme idea is going to take off I think they had better put more thought into the football side of things and get some proper teams to play. The team in blue didn’t seem to be interested as they kept giving the ball to the funny men in green. Anyway a very enjoyable meal but if I come again, and think I’ll skip the football.
Quite so BrisDon. I’ve never had occasion to dine in Motspur Park, and I have to say that I think it’s likely to stay that way unless and until the local citizenry develop a sense of humour. Goodness knows we all need one as Wimbledon supporters after Saturday.
Crawley used (abused) the loan system to give one of their players to Forest Green (he was MOTM in the Non League Paper) and Luton are sending a decent player on loan for the Mansfield game (Adam Murray). Legalised cheating, Man U have been doing it for years. We don’t have the resources to do this.
Christ almighty, responses galore REPD, AFC should just re-direct the website to this, far more info and far more entertaining. Made the reverse trip this weekend to the Cotswolds for a very middle-aged walk weekend, so missed the game (I’ll say 100% record again but you know that already) and was not shocked at the result. Seems we are about as consistent as my local Indian take-away, great one weak, decidedly dodgy the next. Cleary we are short in the squad department. I take my Lee Minshull comments back but why are we not recalling the likes of Kennedy back? Seems we need bodies more than anything and TB keeps going on about experience well at least Kennedy has that with us and can play a role in giving out midfield some steel. I see Blackman was booked again, that must be a record. Did Main do anything when he came on and also is anyone else not panicked that if DK gets injured and sold we are literally up shit creek.
Yes PJ, leaving aside the carvery banter (just a bit of fun Motspur) in all seriousness it was quite a worrying performance. FGR came with a game plan which easily nullified our “play it from the back to the two wingers” game plan. We just don’t appear to have a Plan B and were so predictable. In the end AFC were lucky to get a point. And all this against a bunch of part timers!
Now I know I’ve only seen our two worst performances of the season (Kidderminster included) so my comments can only be based on what I’ve seen. Playing with Keds up front on his own with 2 wide players leaves him very isolated. If we play that way then either a midfielder or one of the wingers must support him (ie be within ten yards of Keds) when the ball is played up to him. This never happened. Now I’ve not seen Lee Minshull play but it sounds to me like he is being sorely missed as the midfield enforcer. We had no one capable of taking on this role consequently FGR looked fairly comfortable in possession. There was a total lack of creativity in midfield until the introduction of Luke Moore and Yussuf. But even then it was only slightly better, when they and John Main came on and we reverted to 4-4-2. What concerns me is that it was obvious that the starting formation just wasn’t working yet we didn’t really change this to 4-4-2 until the 60th minute.
With regards to John Main, if you asked anybody else they would probably say he did very little and wasn’t too involved. Yet Kedwell did begin to find more room and have more influence on the game with Main as his strike partner. I still think Main will start scoring when he gets his confidence back from his first goal. However I don’t think he will ever be a 25 goals a season man again.
Yes I am also very worried about a Kedwell injury. We will be completely stuffed. I think we desperately need another recognised experienced striker and a creative midfielder. But we all know that’s not going to happen as the money isn’t there!
I’m not going to watch another game for a few weeks because I’m sure I’m a jinx on them. After Saturday I’m not too confident about the Mansfield game but then again it is the turn of the good performance tonight.
The motley crew I go with brand DK as a bit like a huskie in that he needs and wants to be worked. Thing is even in our 3-0 and other easy victories he’s played the full 90mins and DK being DK not stopped running or throwing himself about. You just wonder if this is an accident waiting to happen. Bit like England cricket we need to knwo we can win without Pieterson. On up front options I thought Delano Sam-Yorke looked pretty useful against Arsenal in the pre-season. Big unit and a bit of pace to boot. Also Nokkers must be an option but either injured or TB doesn’t fancy him. I thought he tunred the game aginst Crawley. We should remember Jackson and Jolley are at heart attacking fullbacks. Yes they are quick and give us tremendous options vs. last season but think about Chelsea 433 formation (although I hate the team), Malouda and Anelka and not wingers they come in and support Drogba and free up Cole and Ivanovic to bomb on and cross. Jacko and Jolley seem to sometimes cramp the space of Hatton and Blackman out wide meaning it’s DK and Sammy Moore in the middle, so again just wonder if there are options there rather than the bespoke get Wellard, Moore (central midfield) off after 60mins. For me Main doesn’t have pace or presence in this division. Yes a good sub option if chasing but we should have genuine starter contenders.
Watching the video on youtube, I still can’t believe Sammy Moore missed that chance. Twice.
If that had gone in we’d have got three points in the bag, be top of the league, have forgotten all about the game and could have just got on with talking about the food…..